If I were a betting Brit sitting at a blackjack table in Vegas tonight, I would do something Britain’s foreign-policy establishment apparently finds intellectually impossible:
I WOULD LOOK AT THE CARDS.
Then I would cash out.
Immediately.
Because Britain has just wandered back into the Casino of Human History, loosened its tie, ordered something expensive, ignored approximately 3,000 years of statistics, and placed another enormous pile of chips on:
THE JEWS ARE THE PROBLEM.
Again.
Britain.
My dear Britain.
We have played this hand before.
Many, many, many times.
And historically speaking, betting against the Jews has roughly the same investment profile as buying beachfront property in Atlantis.
Today British Foreign Secretary Ed Miliband announced a ban on trade in goods from Israeli communities Britain considers illegal settlements in Judea and Samaria, while accusing extremist settlers of “ethnic cleansing.”
Yes.
Ethnic cleansing.
And Britain’s economic punishment involves Jews living in…
JUDEA.
JUDEA.
I desperately need everyone at the Foreign Office to stop whatever they are doing and stare at that word for approximately seven seconds.
J U D E A.
Jews.
Judea.
Jews.
Judea.
Anything?
A flicker?
A historical neuron firing somewhere?
Perhaps we need archaeologists.
Perhaps linguists.
Perhaps Dora the Explorer.
“Can YOU find the Jews in JUDEA?”
Apparently the British Foreign Office cannot.
This is roughly equivalent to discovering Italians in Rome and screaming:
“COLONIAL SETTLERS!”
BREAKING NEWS:
Greeks discovered in Greece.
Chinese people reportedly spotted in China.
Frenchmen seen wandering suspiciously around France.
United Nations emergency session scheduled for Tuesday.
But Jews in Judea?
Good heavens.
Sanctions immediately.
And before somebody announces that this is another sinister Zionist conspiracy invented in a basement underneath AIPAC headquarters, allow me to introduce Britain to an obscure extremist publication.
It is called:
THE BIBLE.
Apparently it had a few readers.
Genesis 12:3:
וַאֲבָרֲכָה מְבָרְכֶיךָ, וּמְקַלֶּלְךָ אָאֹר
“I will bless those who bless you, and the one who curses you I will curse.”
God says this to Avraham.
Not Netanyahu.
Not Ben-Gvir.
Not Smotrich.
Not the Israeli Foreign Ministry.
Not some terrifying Zionist grandmother in Boca Raton armed with Hadassah stationery and a kugel.
Avraham.
Genesis.
Chapter 12.
Verse 3.
No TikTok.
No Mossad.
No algorithm.
No Hasbara department.
No secret Jewish weather machine.
Just the Torah sitting there for several thousand years being spectacularly inconvenient.
Now, obviously, Genesis is not a Bloomberg terminal.
The Torah is not telling you whether to buy FTSE futures.
But if I were going to bet my civilization on antagonizing Avraham’s descendants, I might at least glance at the historical chart.
Because…
GOOD LORD, THAT CHART.
Let us examine previous investors in the “Jews Will Eventually Disappear Fund.”
EGYPT.
Pharaoh had an empire.
Armies.
Chariots.
Monuments.
Slaves.
Power.
The Jews?
We had Moses, matzah and apparently absolutely no sense of when to stop arguing.
Result:
We are still here.
Pharaoh is a Passover teaching aid.
BABYLON.
Nebuchadnezzar destroyed Jerusalem and the First Temple.
Surely Judaism was finished.
Result:
Babylon became archaeology.
Jews rebuilt Jerusalem.
ROME.
Now THAT looked promising.
Rome destroyed the Second Temple.
Crushed Jewish sovereignty.
Carried Jewish treasures through Rome.
Scattered Jews throughout its empire.
Surely the Jewish story was finally over.
Result:
Two thousand years later, Jewish children speak Hebrew in Jerusalem.
And Israelis visit Rome because Ryanair had a cheap fare and somebody wanted pasta.
Not exactly how Titus drew it up.
THE CRUSADERS.
Gone.
THE INQUISITION.
Gone.
THE CZARS.
Gone.
THE THIRD REICH.
Promised a thousand years.
Made it twelve.
Twelve.
The Jewish people it intended to erase established the State of Israel three years after Hitler’s corpse was burning outside his bunker.
History occasionally has the subtlety of a frying pan to the forehead.
THE SOVIET UNION.
Suppressed Jewish religious life.
Persecuted Zionists.
Restricted Jewish emigration.
Built one of history’s largest totalitarian superpowers.
Then one day the USSR disappeared.
And Soviet Jews?
They boarded airplanes.
Destination:
ISRAEL.
At some point, even the drunkest blackjack player at Caesar’s Palace looks at this losing streak and says:
“Maybe I should stop doubling down.”
Britain apparently looked at the table and shouted:
HIT ME.
Again.
Because Britain has some previous experience deciding what Jews may and may not do in their ancestral homeland.
Remember the British Mandate?
That glorious masterclass in Middle Eastern administration?
Britain issued the Balfour Declaration supporting a Jewish national home.
Then Britain spent decades navigating contradictory commitments, Arab opposition, imperial interests and Jewish immigration.
And then came the 1939 White Paper, severely restricting Jewish immigration while European Jewry stood on the edge of catastrophe.
1939.
Really absorb the timing.
Europe:
“We are preparing to annihilate the Jews.”
Britain:
“Perhaps fewer Jews should enter Palestine.”
Spectacular.
If historical irony could generate electricity, Britain could disconnect itself from the national grid.
And now London has rediscovered its favorite Middle Eastern hobby:
Drawing rules about where Jews may live.
Apparently Europe learned one very specific lesson from Jewish history:
Always maintain excellent paperwork concerning Jewish addresses.
Hebron?
Apparently suspicious.
Never mind that the Torah records Avraham purchasing the Cave of Machpelah there in Genesis 23.
Shiloh?
Ancient Israelite religious center.
Beit El?
Open Genesis.
Jerusalem?
King David would like a brief word.
Judea?
Once again, I remain concerned that THE NAME IS TRYING TO TELL US SOMETHING.
And no, none of this means every Israeli policy is automatically correct.
It doesn’t mean every settler is correct.
It doesn’t mean every settlement decision is wise.
It doesn’t mean Palestinians have no rights, history, claims or legitimate grievances.
Adults are capable of holding several thoughts simultaneously, although international diplomacy continues conducting an ambitious experiment to determine whether this is strictly necessary.
But claiming that Jews living in Judea are simply alien foreigners with no indigenous historical connection requires taking archaeology, scripture, language, geography and approximately three millennia of Jewish memory…
putting all of it into a Nutribullet…
adding ice…
and pressing:
PURÉE HISTORY.
And there is something magnificently absurd about Britain delivering this lecture.
Because for centuries Jews heard:
GO BACK TO PALESTINE.
So eventually we did.
And the international response became:
NO, NOT LIKE THAT.
Europe:
“You Jews don’t belong here.”
Jews:
“Fine. We’ll rebuild our homeland.”
Europe:
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Not THERE.”
Jews:
“Where exactly?”
International community:
“We will establish a committee.”
Excellent.
Perhaps the United Nations could finally publish the approved international floor plan identifying the exact twelve square meters of Planet Earth upon which Jews may stand without triggering an emergency resolution.
Preferably somewhere with parking.
Because apparently Jews have achieved the extraordinary distinction of being accused simultaneously of:
Not belonging in Europe.
Not belonging in America.
Not belonging in the Middle East.
Not belonging in Jerusalem.
And now, apparently, being suspiciously Jewish in JUDEA.
At some point one begins to suspect geography isn’t actually the problem.
Meanwhile Israel continues committing its most infuriating offense:
EXISTING.
Hebrew is spoken in Jerusalem.
Torah is learned in Judea.
Jewish children run through the hills where Jewish history unfolded.
Synagogues are packed.
Universities are packed.
Restaurants are packed.
The beaches are packed.
Highway 1 is so packed that apparently the Jewish people’s miraculous return to Zion included a divine covenant guaranteeing traffic near Jerusalem.
And every Friday afternoon the entire Jewish state suddenly discovers, simultaneously, that Shabbat begins shortly and nobody bought challah.
People sprint through supermarkets.
Someone is screaming into a phone about kugel.
Three Israelis are arguing about politics beside the tomatoes.
Someone’s grandmother has prepared enough chicken for an infantry brigade.
Waze has abandoned hope.
And somewhere in Judea a Jewish mother is yelling:
“WHO LEFT THEIR SHOES HERE?”
That is Jewish sovereignty.
Not some sterile political theory.
It is loud.
It is ancient.
It is modern.
It is argumentative.
It is imperfect.
It is occasionally completely insane.
And after two thousand years…
IT IS ALIVE.
So Britain may issue sanctions.
Britain may issue condemnations.
Britain may lecture Israel.
Britain may summon ambassadors.
Britain may hold emergency parliamentary debates.
Britain may establish the Royal Commission for Investigating the Disturbing Presence of Jews in Places Mentioned Repeatedly in the Hebrew Bible.
There can be subcommittees.
Britain loves subcommittees.
Perhaps tea will be served.
But if I were sitting at that blackjack table?
I would glance down at Genesis 12:3.
Then I would look across the casino at the previous gentlemen who confidently bet against Jewish survival.
Pharaoh.
Nebuchadnezzar.
Rome.
Crusaders.
Inquisitors.
Czars.
Nazis.
Soviets.
Quite a VIP section.
Then I would look at Jerusalem.
September 2026.
Hebrew signs.
Jewish soldiers.
Jewish universities.
Jewish government.
Jewish children.
Jewish sovereignty.
And yes…
JEWS LIVING IN JUDEA.
Imagine that.
After Egypt.
After Babylon.
After Rome.
After exile.
After expulsions.
After pogroms.
After inquisitions.
After ghettos.
After Auschwitz.
After Soviet persecution.
After wars intended to destroy the newborn Jewish state.
After terrorists murdered Jews because they were Jews.
After generations of people explaining with enormous confidence that Jewish history was about to end…
WE ARE STILL HERE.
So Britain is perfectly entitled to place its chips wherever it wishes.
That is the beauty of a casino.
You are even allowed to make catastrophically stupid bets.
But gentlemen, before pushing the entire stack across the table, perhaps study the previous hands.
Because civilizations have spent thousands of years confidently announcing that the Jews were finished.
The civilizations keep changing.
The announcement remains remarkably consistent.
And so does the punchline:
THE JEWS ARE STILL HERE.
The Hebrew language is still here.
Jerusalem is still here.
Israel is still here.
And, much to the apparent astonishment of people who somehow obtained jobs in foreign ministries without encountering a Bible, an archaeology book or a map of the ancient Near East…
THE JEWS ARE STILL LIVING IN JUDEA.
עם ישראל חי.
The casino has been open for three thousand years.
The house has shown you the cards.
Britain?
You might want to stop hitting on 20.
I’m an Englishman but today i’am shamed by our cowardly government. Long Live Israel and Long Live the Jewish race.🇮🇱❤️
The fact that England is overtaken by Islam demonstrates that the law of sowing and reaping is in full effect.